Transition after transition...

This seems to be my life as of late. Well as of about 7 months now actually. Jesus. Job of 10 years. Gone. Nothing to show for it. My cute lil Costa Mesa bunaglow. Gone. Old roomie still there with a new roomie whose making it way cuter then I ever could and has an adorable dog. I am but a memory. Grandparents. Aging. Yes this is normal I know, yes they are 90 and 94, but it rips my heart out to watch them slow down. A couple of ER visits over the last few months but they are ok right now. My theater. Gone. Something else will ressurect, but still, RG. Gone. My attempt at a relationship. Lasted 6 months. Gone. We're still friends, this is amazing, but still, single again. AGAIN. Moving back into the place I grew up. Weird. My body. Soft. I've gained weight and I'm ridiculously out of shape. My creative urge. Tearing at my insides. My now current job. Blows. But its a job. Friends. Continually changing - closer to some, drifting from others.
Its bizzare. I trying extremly hard to take stock of my life. I have goals - sort of. I plan on having the bastard's debt paid off in a year at most. Hopefully my car as well. I also hope to save some dough so that I can move back out on my own with a mini nest egg. Just like before I got married! Ahhh, those times you look back and wish you said HELL NO instead of I do. Once our new roomie moves in (yup mom's house is housing another) I want to excersise - really get back into some sort of routine. Yoga. Walking. Biking. SOMETHING. I have to. As for my creative nagging...I'll get there. I'm trying to be patient. Trying to take things one thing at a time. I've never felt so off before. My entire life is upside down. Its a start over point I suppose. Its just really really really fucking weird. And its not just me.
I'm surrounded. And its all different...I have friends getting laid off, friends in same situations at me. Then I have friends starting families, starting relationships, marriages. Then I seem to have another round of recently single girlfriends. It seems 2009 is a very weird whirlwind of weirdness. I say weird because its awful but yet starting a new. I mean hell - our economy is in the shithole - unemployment is at its highest rate and even the companies still in biz are crossing thier finger and toes hoping to make it thru this. Yet, people are cutting back - this is good and bad. People are learning to be more creative with thier time and money, going back to the basics. We have a new Pres - history was fucking made! He's stepping into a world of chaos and hopefully going to make some good changes. So far so good it seems.
I have one major problem - patience. I dont have it. I never will. I want everything fixed NOW. Dont worry, I know its not possible. I know I have to be patient (said with extreme sarcasm) but it aint easy. It'll be better. It will. I'm going to start over. I will. I'll be back on my feet. Its just so godamn bizzare right now I cant even explain it. Its like life has smacked me in the face to the point I'm sort of laughing...somewhat slap happy I guess? I'm kind of bouncing around in a circle, fists held high yelling "Bring it Bitch!" Altho I would prefer no more "Broughtin". I'm tired. I would like to just focus and try to get my dumb ass on track. I will. Its just taking too much damn time. Sigh. So - in effort to keep my chin up and hopefully make you all smile a bit as well, here's a happy list (inspired as usual by Ber) as of late:

• Kickball
• My girls twitching and squeaking at the birds outside
• The hot tub
• Wine
• A faboo baby shower tea party
• Mom's ridiculous excitment planning said tea party
• My bday at District Lounge
• Some great nights with girlfriends
• Seeing old friends
• Spending more time with fam
• Feeling Bella kick
• Sushi
• Butterflies and birds
• ANTM
• Waking up to purrs and cuddles
• Mom's jasmine and calalillies
• Seeing my other baby bro

Lets all hold on. We'll get thru this odd time I'm sure. I have to admit I'm anxious to see how we all end up. I have a strong feeling its gonna be fucking amazing.